Post Baby-Q daze....

The Baby-Q happened Saturday evening!!

Many of my closest friends came, some family drove down from the mountians!!

My closest friend Amber put it on for me, and refused to let me help in any way. She has been a rock, helping me through this, even as she goes through her own crises.  Without her support, I don't think I could have come this far.

I now have a crib, pack-and-play, numerous clothes, toys, and gadgets I don't understand.

And diapers. Lots and lots of diapers.

There will be pictures!!

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My son is 12 days old now, and healthy as can be!! I've been allowed to see him three times so far, he has been asleep each time. (babies do that, I've been told)

I feel I'm losing irrecoverable time with my son, and my mind is jumping all over the place trying to cope. It's not often you hear of men wanting to be the dad. The stories are always of men running away, hiding.

I know that he needs to be with his mother, my mind understands that. My heart needs to see him. Every day. Every hour. I want to be my son's dad, and I'm not able, not being allowed, to do it.

My heart breaks more each day.