Four days....

Movement has been made to bring my world back into some semblance of order.  In four days, there will be facts, where now there are just beliefs, hopes.

I hope to write more on this blog about my time with my son.  I can say now that he is a beautiful 3 week old boy, as sweet as can be.

Post Baby-Q daze....

The Baby-Q happened Saturday evening!!

Many of my closest friends came, some family drove down from the mountians!!

My closest friend Amber put it on for me, and refused to let me help in any way. She has been a rock, helping me through this, even as she goes through her own crises.  Without her support, I don't think I could have come this far.

I now have a crib, pack-and-play, numerous clothes, toys, and gadgets I don't understand.

And diapers. Lots and lots of diapers.

There will be pictures!!

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My son is 12 days old now, and healthy as can be!! I've been allowed to see him three times so far, he has been asleep each time. (babies do that, I've been told)

I feel I'm losing irrecoverable time with my son, and my mind is jumping all over the place trying to cope. It's not often you hear of men wanting to be the dad. The stories are always of men running away, hiding.

I know that he needs to be with his mother, my mind understands that. My heart needs to see him. Every day. Every hour. I want to be my son's dad, and I'm not able, not being allowed, to do it.

My heart breaks more each day.

It seems my son was born yesterday.  His mother didn't feel the need to tell me by phone or text.  She waited eight hours to tell me by email.  

I really hope this is the last negative post on this blog, but I somehow doubt it.

My son, at this point, has waited over 24 hours to meet me, and I did not know for the same time.  

I fear this is the beginning of war.  

Baby-Q preview!

Not much to post right now. Oscar is on the way, but he's not here yet.

My best friend Amber is throwing me a baby-q (like a shower, but for guys) on the 17th.

Hopefully I'll get everything I need to raise a kid, diapers, crib, etc. knowledge I'll be gathering on the fly, and luckily I have many people that are willing to help me there! My mom, Amber (how did I not know that she worked in a nursery??) and the rest of my family for a start!!

So, this is mostly a filler post, to try to get me in the habit of writing. As Oscar gets closer and closer, I get more excited and scared.

I can't wait!!!!